The past two years have been the most exhausting time of my life. Oh, I know I’m posting pictures of sweet little faces and happy happy times but let’s be honest- raising 3 little kids is at best very tiring and at worst, well, ugly. The past few days have been particularly challenging. For all the quick-fixes I’ve considered, none have really fit the bill except wake up tomorrow and change the diapers and correct the sassiness and drill 3+4 once again. (I totally get this is first-world crap).
Nonetheless, 32 years ago God in His sovereignty looked down and knitted me in my mother’s womb, he counted the hairs on my head and surely he knew that my mother would name me Leah.
Leah means weary– and boy do I feel weary right now.
For two years I’ve questioned whether he really is near to mothers- to women? What is my role? How does my story play out in HIS story? How do I raise these children in light of the times and in light of the sometimes HEAVINESS I feel in my soul? I obviously don’t have the answers, and I may not this side of eternity!
(I also have pressing questions like why did you create the cocoa bean??– it took me 7 Hershey miniatures to get through homeschool yesterday)!
I was reading Philippians 4 last week and something stood out to me for the first time, “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (NIV)
The Lord is near.
I can’t have true joy, true surrender to anxiety, or true Thanksgiving…without HIM.
I am weary, but HE is near.
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